so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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