Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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