Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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