You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
