That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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