i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
