Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize