she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
