the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
