I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
