All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
