I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
