I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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