I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
