So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
