She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
