do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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