Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
