yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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