I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
