It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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