Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Even my vagina gasped.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
