I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
