I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
