I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
