Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
