he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
