He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
