The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
