saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
