the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
