Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
