i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
