i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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