today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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