is your mom at the bar?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
