Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
