My Higher Power is John Stamos
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
