the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
