He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
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