Me too!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
