Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize