Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
