how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
