It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
