No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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