Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
