i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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