I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
