He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
