who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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