Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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