My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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