It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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