I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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