Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize