so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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