Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
