apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Dicks are not precious.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
