I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
