So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
