Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
