Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
